Even Angels Grieve
by InnocentBlossom
Summary: 'I don't have the heart to leave...' A letter to Levi Heichou. Levi x Petra. Oneshot.


"When I grow up, I want to be strong... I want to be part of them."

"Who are you referring to, Petra?"

"The Survey Corps, mother. When I become one of them, I'll get rid of every single Titan in the world!" The little girl's hazel eyes glistened with hope, "And when I'm done, Father, Mother, and I can all explore those deserts and oceans together! We could-"

'St... Stop it... Petra,' Mr. Ral was a rather emotional man of demeanor but Petra had never once seen her father be reduced to nothing but tears.

At the time, she didn't understand why he wasn't smiling.

* * *

_'Mother... Father... I'm sorry I've been a bad daughter. I wish that I carried out your every request like I should have. But..._

_Even so..._

_I'm happy._

_So happy that I can't even describe it to you._

_Because I feel that perhaps, going against your plea that day... Was possibly the most right choice I could have ever made. _

_I left home... _

_And I met those people._

_I wish we could have had dinner together, mother... Father..._  
_I could've introduced you to them... Oluo... Erd... Gunter..._

_...Levi heichou...'_

* * *

_'Looking back on everything now, I'm a little disappointed that I spent most of my time in the Special Ops squad constantly being at odds with Oluo... And that I didn't get to meet Erd's fiancée... And that I didn't even get to know what Gunter's favorite color was... And that... I never got to feel the taste of Heichou's lips._

_But, Heichou accepted all of that bitterness from me and... And for the first time, I got to experience love._

_For treating my wounds, even though it got your hands all filthy with my blood..._

_For teaching me the REAL way to clean a room... _

_For acknowledging the scaredy-cat who wet her pants on her first expedition, as one of your subordinates..._

_Truly Heichou, I can only be eternally grateful._

_Even if the world glares at you..._

_Even if everyone calls you heartless..._

_I will never say that. I never have. I never will, Heichou._

_..._

_Hey... Heichou, can I let you in on a wish I have?'_

* * *

Wedding dresses were beautiful.

Petra stared at the hand-sewn on-display gown. Clearly she was still an immature little girl at heart, if she'd still think that even whilst carrying out the duties for a ruthless profession such as hers, she'd one day be able to wear something like this. Pastel blues and pinks were scattered around its hem like rain droplets.

The red haired female shot a glance at Levi who stood quite far away, chiding Oluo for some careless mistake he'd committed, perhaps. She returned her gaze back to the pastel dress.

A smile would grace her features as she looked away.

* * *

_'For making such a selfish wish, forgive me, Heichou._

_..._

_Hey, Heichou.. Do you think.. Maybe... If you and I were born once again into another world... One of peace.. And perhaps you'll scold me for such wishful thinking, but if we are reincarnated into a world without titans... Do you think, maybe, we might be able to...?_

_Heichou, I don't know if this world you and I have been living in is a fake... _

_I don't know if everything I've experienced with you was a lie..._

_But I'm going to disappear now... So... Even if we were to be reincarnated into an alternate universe, I'm sure... I'm sure, that I would still love you. _

_But reincarnation is too early of a matter to discuss with you right now... Don't you think, Heichou?_

_For leaving your side... _

_And leaving this lifeless corpse as your greeting when you return for us, like you said you would... _

_For leaving you all alone... _

_For not being able to have told you the right amount of sugar I always put in your coffee, for the time when I won't be there to make it for you... _

_I'm really sorry Heichou. _

_But when you get a whole stack of paperwork, please remember to put your well being first. Drinking coffee isn't medicine for tiredness. Sleep is. I'm sure you'd resent me for coddling you to this extent, but even so, I can't help but wish I could still pull those blankets over you when you fall asleep on your desk. Or how I wish I could blow out that last candle you left burning accidentally. _

_I wish I didn't have so many regrets, Heichou..._

_I think I finally understand... The feeling of dying for what you care about... I don't think my feeling is as sincere as yours is... _

_To be honest, I only feel relatively at peace, right now. Perhaps I really did make the right choice... I don't feel happy, but I don't think I feel sad either. I think there's a tiny bit of bitterness in my heart, though.. Unfortunately, my heart can't be as beautiful as yours, Heichou... Levi Heichou was always so very kind, after all._

_But, I'll be waiting for you, Heichou. WE will be waiting for you. And when we all meet again as squad Levi, I'll make you your favorite tea._

_But promise me that you won't come here too early. Humanity's greatest soldier has people counting on him as well. So... Please don't come back to us until you've fulfilled that promise you made that soldier... When I told you that I couldn't stop his bleeding. _

_Death is inevitable. For me. For you, Heichou. For everyone._

_And also for titans._

_So please don't come here until, and I quote, you've 'killed every last fucking one of them'. Okay, Heichou?_

_But I'm sure that it'll be quite some time until I see you again. So... Please... Please hear me when I say this._

_I like you, Heichou._

_I love you, Heichou._

_I've fallen in love with you._

_And with every reincarnation, I'll keep falling in love with you. Whether we may be humans... Or whether we may be animals. I'll love you forever._

_And... For giving me your love... Really... Thank you._

_Until we meet again,_

_Goodbye.'_

~ Petra Ral

* * *

**A/N- Okay soooooo this oneshot was purely an outburst of my Levi x Petra feels from episode 22, because honestly, I couldn't bear it any longer T^T**

**And I'll admit, most of this isn't my best writing but I just needed to get it out here, so yeah .**

**Please review.**

**I was listening to 'A Thousand Years' by Christina Perri while writing this.. For some reason it made it sound a lot better in my head but ugh, oh well.**

**InnocentBlossom**

**Xx**


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